Breaking Silence: My Journey Through Domestic Abuse and Healing PT. Poe
I recently broke my silence on big things that have happened in my life in a big way. One way was calling out my husband for continuing to refuse a divorce after almost 13 years as the only way he has to maintain control over me. In honor of breaking my silence and in observance with Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I have decided to share my various stories of abuse. I’ve experienced a lot, if I’m honest, with a lot of people. To keep on track, I will only be focusing on the fellas I actually shared a home with. (I acknowledge that I have had a lot of relationships. It is worth noting I do not accuse all of my exes and I am, in fact, friends with some of them.)
Some of you may find this series unbelievable. I understand; not everyone recognizes the cycles and patterns of abuse. Not everyone understands the generational trauma that so many of us witness and relive until we decide to break the cycles. The first step to breaking the cycle is awareness. The second is knowledge and identification of abuse. The third is real people sharing their real stories to help break the shame surrounding the abuse we’ve suffered and the silence that the patriarchy benefits from.
It is my goal to illustrate some aspects that we don’t always immediately recognize as red flags. If you’ve always been blessed to have a functioning nervous system and don’t care to see other perspectives, this series isn’t for you—and honestly, I may not be for you. But if you are open to different perspectives and, like me, grew up licking love off of knives or being spoon-fed general dysfunction, please stick around.
It is best to start at the beginning. So, let’s begin with the boy I dated when I was a freshly minted “adult.” At 17, I was living in an apartment, having recently graduated from a pre-independent living program after living in a group home. We aren’t here to talk about how I got there. I was no longer eligible for the program because I had graduated high school a semester early, so I went to college, worked, and lived independently at 17. Poe and I met on one of the two buses I took to and from school each day. I was enamored with Poe, and Poe was enamored with me.
We became fast friends, and he quickly divulged a laundry list of mental health disorders. I was young and naive, studying psychology, and thought I could handle it. At some point, he stopped taking all of his medications. What ensued was unintentional, but very real harm—for both of us. I debated even including this story for a couple of reasons: one, I believe I was partially culpable—I was in some kind of spiritual psychosis and thought I could heal him; and two, I am very aware that he was not well.
As far as I know, Poe is usually doing well these days, and I have no ill feelings towards him. I’m sharing this story strictly because it highlights some heavy abuse tactics. He would often show up to my job in hysterics, claiming that demons in our apartment were causing problems—not to cause me trouble, but a lot of abusers will use this tactic to make you lose your job to keep you trapped. I eventually dropped out of school, worked two jobs, and left or lost both, either directly or indirectly because of him.
He would manufacture crises, keeping me in a state of fight or flight. This can be done on purpose to keep the target confused and stressed. Again, his motivation was not to cause problems; unfortunately, the outcome was the same. He would wake me up while I tried to sleep. Sleep deprivation isn’t just any ol’ kind of abuse; it’s legit torture. And that’s why I ultimately decided to put Poe in this series. It showcases some of the more insidious and difficult-to-catch signs of abuse. It’s all crazy-making behavior.
As I continue to unpack my experiences, I invite you to join me in this series. Let’s create a safe space for sharing our stories and learning from one another. I hope to hear from you, whether it’s through comments, messages, or sharing your own experiences. Together, we can foster understanding and support, paving the way for a healthier future.
With Love and Compassion,
Mia Marie
Direct experience: Yoga
Truthfully, I would have never done yoga if not for my sister. She pushed it off and on through my life. She is one of the many women that embarked on her self healing journey before me and helped show me the way. I had been introduced to the idea that the body holds onto stress and can cause tension and other such problems - It's that or my calves were just tight because I was inactive, yeah it was probably that. I later came to know this physical practice as asana, only one limb of traditional yoga.
Before I started learning about the 8 limbs of yoga, I started to connect my breath to my movements. Breathing in as I extend my posture, stopping and holding my breath at the apex of each stretch - when my body reached the point that was not yet painful but lengthened to the point that it was uncomfortable. Holding my breath and the pose. Finally breathing out while allowing my muscles to relax into the pose. It was here that I found the importance and mechanics of release. I have found release to be an integral part not just of my yoga practice but also how I navigate life. I found this to be akin to meditation for me. Even if that’s too out there for you there are tangible benefits of asana as well.
Take for instance flexibility, balance and of course strength. Working on flexibility helps your overall joint health according to a variety of body work specialists across many fields. You don’t have to take my word for anything, ever. Balance is only important if you want to walk upright and not fall. You need strength to support balance and flexibility. Wait, Mau, how are these life lessons - these are just the physical benefits of stretching and strength training.
I have found in my healing journey that these things are even more beneficial when one integrates them in their everyday life. Beyond the physical practice. That is to say flexibility of mind has been one of the singular most beneficial practices I have adopted. The ability to change one’s mind with the introduction of new information is an admirable and all too lacking trait in Western Society - from my own personal and lived experience. When one subscribes to one thought or idea so heavily that it becomes cemented in their psyche it is a hindrance to growth. We can see examples of people that lack flexibility in thought during any election cycle on both sides of the political spectrum. Ever notice how during an election year people you love are spouting harmful rhetoric with an inability to see any other perspective? I know, because when I was subscribed to Pentecostalism I possessed zero flexibility of thought on my own. I even once publicly posted “All lives matter”. That is until people I loved and respected sat me down and explained the nuance of what I was saying. I didn’t realize at the time that I was speaking in a way that was harmful - until someone took the time to educate me on why we were seeing “Black Lives Matter”. I am forever thankful for the people that take the time to educate me when I am ignorant. This wouldn’t have been possible if I had remained so dedicated to my identity as a Pentacostal - God-Fearing - Conservative woman. This single interaction put me on a path to reassessing the structures that I was accustomed to.
Balance of mind came much later for me. I was living a fearful and reactive life - this is in part my fundamentalist christian-adjacent upbringing and later my adult choice. Studies have been done that concluded religious folk are often operating out of the fear center of the brain. Again, you never have to take my word for anything. The proof is always readily available to anyone who wishes to find it. It was my experience that authority figures were not well balanced - incapable of seeing more than their own perspective. So firm in their perception of reality that they sought to destroy all opposing views instead of seeking to understand and find truth in them. It takes an individual that is well balanced to be able to hear an opposing view without getting angry and without blindly accepting the other perspective as gospel. Balance of mind allows us to see another perspective and honor our own experience.
To be well balanced requires strength. Strength of mind is the ability to sit with the darkest parts of one’s self and unflinchingly discard the thoughts, ideas and beliefs that are holding them back. I started my journey by getting angry at myself. By sitting alone, in the darkest parts of my depression, anxiety and my own bullshit. The parts of myself that I didn’t like. A lot of the parts of me that I didn’t like were actually by-products of the C-PTSD. Complex childhood trauma is tricky because you don’t always know that it is even a factor. It takes strength to examine your reality and figure out where you are contributing to the negativity. It takes even more strength to shed what doesn't serve you - over and over and over again. Until you can find how you are repeating the negative bullshit in your life things won’t get better. That takes strength. So if that is where you are on your healing journey, you are not alone. You are a fighter. You got this. Let’s keep going.
With Compassion,
Mia Marie
Direct Experience: Transition into Wellness Coaching
Hello, wonderful readers!
I’m Mia Marie, and I’m thrilled to share a significant milestone in my journey of helping others: my transition to wellness coaching. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of assisting many individuals in various capacities. People have often come back to me, sharing how my support has positively impacted their lives. This feedback inspired me to formalize my approach and delve deeper into wellness coaching.
A Natural Transition
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been passionate about helping people. Whether it’s offering a fresh perspective, words of encouragement, or simply holding space for someone, I find immense fulfillment in being a source of support. Transitioning to wellness coaching felt like a natural progression—a way to enhance and structure the help I provide.
Real-Life Impact
The stories people share with me are diverse and heartwarming. Sometimes, it’s the small things—a shift in perspective or a few encouraging words—that make the biggest difference. Other times, my support has involved more tangible help, such as:
Setting Healthy Boundaries: Guiding friends to establish and maintain personal boundaries that protect their mental and emotional well-being.
Creating Budgets: Assisting individuals in developing and sticking to budgets that alleviate financial stress and promote financial health.
Tackling Persistent Issues: Helping people create actionable plans to address ongoing challenges in their lives, providing them with the tools to navigate and overcome these obstacles.
Why Wellness Coaching?
Wellness coaching allows me to bring all these elements together into a cohesive practice. It provides a structured framework through which I can offer more comprehensive and effective support. Here’s why I believe in the power of wellness coaching:
Holistic Approach: Wellness coaching addresses various aspects of a person’s life, including physical health, mental clarity, emotional stability, and spiritual fulfillment.
Personalized Plans: Each person’s journey is unique, and wellness coaching allows for tailored plans that meet individual needs and goals.
Empowerment: The goal of wellness coaching is to empower individuals to take control of their own health and well-being, fostering a sense of self-efficacy and confidence.
My Passion for Helping People
At the heart of my transition to wellness coaching is a deep-seated passion for helping others. There’s nothing more rewarding than witnessing someone transform their life, overcome challenges, and achieve their goals. As a wellness coach, I strive to be a catalyst for positive change, providing the guidance and support needed to navigate life’s complexities.
Looking Forward
I’m excited about this new chapter and the opportunities it brings to connect with and help more people. Through Practicing Love LLC, I aim to create a supportive community where individuals can explore various wellness modalities, receive personalized coaching, and embark on their own journeys of self-discovery and healing.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. I look forward to sharing more insights, stories, and practical advice with you as we navigate the path to wellness together.
With love and compassion,
Mia Marie
