Direct experience: Yoga
Truthfully, I would have never done yoga if not for my sister. She pushed it off and on through my life. She is one of the many women that embarked on her self healing journey before me and helped show me the way. I had been introduced to the idea that the body holds onto stress and can cause tension and other such problems - It's that or my calves were just tight because I was inactive, yeah it was probably that. I later came to know this physical practice as asana, only one limb of traditional yoga.
Before I started learning about the 8 limbs of yoga, I started to connect my breath to my movements. Breathing in as I extend my posture, stopping and holding my breath at the apex of each stretch - when my body reached the point that was not yet painful but lengthened to the point that it was uncomfortable. Holding my breath and the pose. Finally breathing out while allowing my muscles to relax into the pose. It was here that I found the importance and mechanics of release. I have found release to be an integral part not just of my yoga practice but also how I navigate life. I found this to be akin to meditation for me. Even if that’s too out there for you there are tangible benefits of asana as well.
Take for instance flexibility, balance and of course strength. Working on flexibility helps your overall joint health according to a variety of body work specialists across many fields. You don’t have to take my word for anything, ever. Balance is only important if you want to walk upright and not fall. You need strength to support balance and flexibility. Wait, Mau, how are these life lessons - these are just the physical benefits of stretching and strength training.
I have found in my healing journey that these things are even more beneficial when one integrates them in their everyday life. Beyond the physical practice. That is to say flexibility of mind has been one of the singular most beneficial practices I have adopted. The ability to change one’s mind with the introduction of new information is an admirable and all too lacking trait in Western Society - from my own personal and lived experience. When one subscribes to one thought or idea so heavily that it becomes cemented in their psyche it is a hindrance to growth. We can see examples of people that lack flexibility in thought during any election cycle on both sides of the political spectrum. Ever notice how during an election year people you love are spouting harmful rhetoric with an inability to see any other perspective? I know, because when I was subscribed to Pentecostalism I possessed zero flexibility of thought on my own. I even once publicly posted “All lives matter”. That is until people I loved and respected sat me down and explained the nuance of what I was saying. I didn’t realize at the time that I was speaking in a way that was harmful - until someone took the time to educate me on why we were seeing “Black Lives Matter”. I am forever thankful for the people that take the time to educate me when I am ignorant. This wouldn’t have been possible if I had remained so dedicated to my identity as a Pentacostal - God-Fearing - Conservative woman. This single interaction put me on a path to reassessing the structures that I was accustomed to.
Balance of mind came much later for me. I was living a fearful and reactive life - this is in part my fundamentalist christian-adjacent upbringing and later my adult choice. Studies have been done that concluded religious folk are often operating out of the fear center of the brain. Again, you never have to take my word for anything. The proof is always readily available to anyone who wishes to find it. It was my experience that authority figures were not well balanced - incapable of seeing more than their own perspective. So firm in their perception of reality that they sought to destroy all opposing views instead of seeking to understand and find truth in them. It takes an individual that is well balanced to be able to hear an opposing view without getting angry and without blindly accepting the other perspective as gospel. Balance of mind allows us to see another perspective and honor our own experience.
To be well balanced requires strength. Strength of mind is the ability to sit with the darkest parts of one’s self and unflinchingly discard the thoughts, ideas and beliefs that are holding them back. I started my journey by getting angry at myself. By sitting alone, in the darkest parts of my depression, anxiety and my own bullshit. The parts of myself that I didn’t like. A lot of the parts of me that I didn’t like were actually by-products of the C-PTSD. Complex childhood trauma is tricky because you don’t always know that it is even a factor. It takes strength to examine your reality and figure out where you are contributing to the negativity. It takes even more strength to shed what doesn't serve you - over and over and over again. Until you can find how you are repeating the negative bullshit in your life things won’t get better. That takes strength. So if that is where you are on your healing journey, you are not alone. You are a fighter. You got this. Let’s keep going.
With Compassion,
Mia Marie
