Embracing Self-Love: Navigating Boundaries, Online Drama, and Personal Growth
You are as good as the best in me, and I am as bad as the worst in you. This thought came to me several days before writing this. I knew it mattered at the time but I couldn’t think of how I wanted to expand on this thought. Today I am ruminating on some Facebook drama I conjured a couple of days ago. I *cough* have an occasional flair for dramatics. Hear me out. Stick with me as this story unfolds, I promise it all connects.
I have been unemployed and have maybe too much time on my hands and its political theater season. If Abstention was counted as a valid option I would take it, believe me I have some thoughts on where our nation is. I do think that the average person can agree that while the stock market is up, many of us are not feeling that in our day to day lives. Even when I was working a full time job at a little better than the proposed minimum wage of $15 an hour … it's hard out here. Again, I’m kind of chronically online right now, I’ve seen the stories, I know I am not the only one. I know the majority of Americans are struggling. Not just financially; many of us are emotionally burnt out chronically exhausted from the perpetual grind.
When I put something out online, whether in my personal space or for a larger audience I try to be sure that what I am saying isn’t overly harsh or hateful. I see too much hateful content, if your honest, I bet you do too. I am not saying I expertly navigate the online space, I am not saying that I never put anything out that isn’t critical. I know I give the impression that I am a “Love and Light” brand of spirituality, however that is not the case. I actually believe that by ignoring and burying our more “dark” qualities we do ourselves and others a disservice.
“Mia, your brand is built on love, isn’t that paradoxical?” - you probably. Sure, on its face it can be seen as paradoxical. Remember that MY focus is on loving yourself better. When we love ourselves better we are better able to navigate a world that does not always appear to love us. We are better able to show love when we are connected with the parts of us that protect us, in a healthy way. If I allow anyone into my energy, into my space, and treat me anyway they want I am signaling to myself and to the inner child I have worked so hard to heal that I do not love myself enough to be protected. For me this echo’s what I was taught in childhood. I was taught that in 1000 small ways that MY comfort, MY opinion, MY feelings did not matter. Every time I allow someone to disrespect me publicly or privately I am undoing all the love I have showered on my inner child because I am reinforcing the message that I received as a child: your comfort should always come before my own.
So, I woke up and chose violence just days after my initial revelation that is the first sentence. I posted on my own personal Facebook page about my opinions of folks based on how they were voting. I wasn’t 100% sure why I was making that post, I’ve been pretty non-confrontational for years now. I even took a year long social media hiatus back in 2020 because I didn’t like the person I was in the comments section. I determined that I needed to learn to not call names, to not be a dick for no reason and here I was in essence, being a dick. (I stand by everything I said though.) In the initial post I went through the right, left and 3rd party candidates and then had to add abstention at the request of a friend. It wasn’t long before I had two, male, former co-workers in my comments. One, in essence telling me to calm down. The other, lashed out -exactly- as I detailed in the post that a particular candidate's constituents would. He missed the point, proved my point and called me the only thing men ever call me once they realize I can’t be shut up, NARCISSIST. I genuinely laughed out loud. This man, who sought to throw me off the horse that I saddled, had no idea the journey I’ve been through with that word.
There is some discourse in my family about who the original narcissist was and if my mother is in fact a narcissist or if she was borderline personality disorder. Borderline would be the result of narcissistic abuse. Why am I telling you this? Because when I was reading about the trauma, symptoms, and tactics of narcissistic abuse I saw myself in them. I saw myself in it and went to my therapist and I said “I think I am a narcissist.” It’s worth noting that my mother and a couple of emotionally immature men had already used this word against me in arguments. I didn’t realize they were telling on themselves. My therapist laughed and told me that I wasn’t a narcissist, but that I had learned behaviors from one. Beyond that, I’ve been called an empath way more often. Which, some folks will tell you, is just another expression of narcissism. Those folks probably lack a nuanced understanding and context.
I do not identify as an empath, but I do feel energy. Did you know that every emotion has its own energetic signature? I had to learn. My family had a lot of big emotions and sometimes were unable to control them in healthy ways. I learned how to navigate those energies to survive. I will not be made to feel guilty for learning how to cope with toxicity. I instead learned how to observe my toxic traits and, this is crazy, learned how to stop them. I learned how to identify my triggers, how to sit with them, how to make sure they did NOT become someone else's problem. So, when folks tell me about myself, or think they are, it gives me a giggle. I know the work I’ve done, on my own and with professionals to show up in this world with authenticity and vulnerability.
Protecting yourself and your space from people that are harmful to you is an act of self-love. Even if you are perceived as “mean” or “narcissistic”. (Afterall NPD was often developed as an unhealthy coping mechanism.) Remember, what we see in others, whether “good” or “bad”, often reflects something within ourselves. The person who lashed out at me is likely blinded to the good in me because he can't yet see the good in himself. I recognize his potential because I’ve come to recognize the light in me, but that doesn't mean I’ll allow him into my space again. Boundaries are essential.
And speaking of boundaries, sometimes navigating life’s stressors and toxic interactions requires a little extra support. For me, finding balance means using natural remedies like CBD to help manage stress and maintain my peace. If you’re dealing with the emotional weight of these interactions—or just need to take the edge off from the grind—I highly recommend it. You can still use coupon code MIAMARIE at https://swampyetiproducts.com/?ref=Practicinglove for $5 off your CBD or Nootropic needs.
With love for myself first and you second,
Mia Marie
