Crystals and Healing
Whenever someone finds out that I’m a little “witchy” or “woo-woo,” a common question I get asked is, “What are your thoughts on crystals?” Usually, this question is prompted by me offering some offhand herbal advice. I’ll talk more about that in later posts. This question about my thoughts on crystals is valid. On one hand, by the time these topics come up, I have usually proven myself to be a fairly rational and well-researched person. However, writing this, it does occur to me that perhaps this question isn’t always asked genuinely. Regardless of the intent, my answer is always the same: “I’m not really sure, actually.”
Early Experiences with Crystals
Crystals were one of the first tools I looked at, other than tarot and the diet connection. I was working with crystals even before Reiki and Yoga. Ultimately, I believe they helped. I am not sure that I will ever be fully convinced that it was more than a placebo effect. However, I did have some interesting experiences with crystals over the years that are undeniably correlated. I’ll share some anecdotes and some backstory about my experiences.
A Journey into Healing
When I started my journey into crystals, I had been in talk therapy and diagnosed with C-PTSD. My therapist was great, but as with many others with C-PTSD, talk therapy wasn’t much help beyond validating what I had gone through and the work I did to understand it prior to therapy. It turns out actualizing and intellectualizing aren’t the great solution I assumed them to be. This left me looking for other ways to calm my nervous system and move through life with healthy perspectives. Some other things I was working with at the time were cannabis and other mild but legal psychoactive herbs, a CBT workbook, and a homemade gratitude journal. An important piece of information that wasn’t available to me at the time was that the relationship I was in was one of the more damaging partnerships I had been in my adult life. I had been with some real winners, including a man who I quickly understood was ramping up to physical abuse and would sniff me down if I was five minutes late walking home from work in the winter. I tell you all of this to paint a picture of where I was mentally before deciding to work with crystals.
Rose Quartz: A Catalyst for Change
The first crystal I decided to work with was rose quartz. It is said to help with self-love. I KNEW I was struggling with that based on the way I would speak to myself, causing an anxiety spiral. These anxiety spirals would cause me to become hyper-controlling of my environment and lash out easily. Shortly after I started working with rose quartz, i.e., throwing a piece in my bra every day, I started to do two things that I would have never really expected me to do: yoga and meditation. It's funny, actually, because I remember when I would ask a medicine man and a self-proclaimed prophet for advice, I was often told to go within, and I would scoff. “I simply CANNOT meditate,” I would retort. My ADHD does, in fact, make achieving a meditative state more difficult, but it turns out that I can, in fact, meditate. These two things would prove to be some of the most powerful acts of self-love that I can practice for myself. Do I believe rose quartz to be responsible for this change in direction? No, not really. Do I think that the ritual act of picking up the rose quartz off of my nightstand, throwing it in my bra, and remembering to focus on self-love was a catalyst? Yes, but not necessarily the vibe of the crystal, ya know?
Picasso Stone and Creativity
Another stone I ended up working with wasn’t one I sought out exactly. I was wandering through some metaphysical shop, perusing the aisles for books and tarot cards, and my eyes landed on a stone I hadn’t seen or read about. I picked it up and bought it. I researched the Picasso Stone later and found that it was supposed to heighten creativity. I started working with the stone, though this time I believe I put it on a makeshift crystal grid of sorts on a bookshelf in my makeshift home office. Around this time, I learned how to make shower steamers. I was aiming for bath bombs, but hey, it was a fun craft. My best friend understood the assignment and perfected my vision. Together, she made and we sold 400 of our “ritual” bath bombs. (Friend, if you are reading this, I would love a bath bomb!) Here again, we have a “Was it the stone or intentional and inspired action?”
Moonstone and Relationships
The last story I’ll share about crystals for now is my moonstone story. Did you guys see the moldavite trend on TikTok? Too niche? Well, back in 2020, a bunch of folks bought moldavite and have come back telling stories about how their world got flipped on its head in what I call a tower moment. This also allowed them to build back better. I recently saw a TT alleging that moonstone is similar but for relationships. Some time early on in my crystal journey, I bought a moonstone ring. I wore this on my left index finger. I don’t know if this was “right,” and I don’t care. I don’t think that the tools and modalities we use always have to have rigid rules. If that helps you, cool, but I will continue to be my spiritual authority and would encourage you to be that for yourself. So I was in this relationship with the fella I mentioned earlier. We were a team for work, we were raising his daughter, and I was doing the lion's share of what was paying us and keeping up with the house and childcare, among cooking and hosting two separate holiday meals. The lifestyle of working from home and taking care of my house felt really nice. Unfortunately, this partner felt that because his name was on the business, he did enough. I would express needing help, and he would tell me in action that I was unworthy, just absolutely echoing my fears and internalized beliefs from childhood. This is actually why I chose moonstone. I knew the problem had to be that I was not in touch with my femininity. Clearly, I was too masculine, and that was why I was struggling to keep up with everything. My partner also questioned me about literally everything. Small decisions would require me to explain myself and result in a 10-20 minute argument. It did not help that for about six months, my mother was living with us. My mental health was... not great. At one point around Christmas, my friend had to physically take a pair of scissors out of my hand for fear of witnessing self-harm, a behavior I hadn’t struggled with since high school and haven’t felt again since. Again, I’m just painting the picture here. Eventually, my mother moved out. I expected things to get better, but they somehow went from bad to worse. The last argument I had with this man was so bewildering that I admitted to a mutual friend that I felt like running away. She, from what I can tell, immediately called him to tell him this. (Katie, I hope you heal and be thankful I never shared your secrets.) This led to a discussion where I admitted to wanting to be deleted from the population for months, and he broke up with me. He left the home his mom bought for us to live in to give me time to get out, and I immediately called his sister, my best friend. By the time she got there, I was done crying and had decided that him calling it off was the best thing for me. I healed, got my own place, and started working on MY life again.
Reflections on Crystals
The moonstone obviously can’t be blamed for the downfall of a toxic relationship that should have been left alone to start. However, it is an interesting correlation. All of my experiences got me thinking, do these solidified earth excretions actually hold power? So I looked around and found mostly anecdotal evidence from folks I fear don’t know the difference between science and pseudoscience. No hate or shade to them or anyone—I am, after all, a bit woo-woo. It just wasn’t the answer I was looking for; I could provide that evidence for myself. What I eventually found were excerpts from Nikola Tesla's work involving crystals and their vibrations. Tesla wasn’t working with crystals in the capacity I was, but he did seem to hold them in very high regard. Reading this work sent me down two other rabbit holes: crystals in tech, and quantum physics.
Final Thoughts
Ultimately, I decided that I like the use of crystals in spiritual and healing spaces. As with any tool or modality, I fear that there is room for abuse. Please always do your own research from reputable sources. Trust your gut. If someone is trying to sell you a $600 crystal that they SWEAR is going to fix everything, they are swindling you. On the other hand, if you are walking through a little shop and feel drawn to a crystal, let it tell you where you can shift your focus and help create the life you want to live. They are a fun and pretty addition to what you are already doing to support your mental and physical health. They may not help, but they certainly can’t hurt. So, throw them on your mantle or toss them in your window, sleep with them, meditate with them; just don’t put anything in water without checking if it is safe! Do your own research, have your own experiences, but remember intentional action and doing the inner work are always going to be what dictates your life.
I’d love to hear from you! Have you had any interesting experiences with crystals? Do you have questions about how to incorporate them into your life? Share your thoughts and questions in the comments below.
With love and compassion,
Mia Marie
Opinion: Golden Rule
Everyone has heard of the Golden Rule: "Love one another as yourself," "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." There are many ways to express it because it is almost ubiquitous. It is found in almost every religion and culture all over the world. This is one of the many truths I have adopted over the years due to its almost omnipresent nature. Of course, I didn’t start out knowing how widespread this notion is; I learned it in a very Christian context. I have spent over half my life in some form of Christianity: a half a dozen denominations and over a dozen churches, and I’d like to share some things I’ve found to be true as it relates to Christians and the Golden Rule.
My mother didn’t take me to church, but she did read me bedtime stories from the book of Revelations. I had to seek out God’s people and his teachings on my own. The first church I went to was a Methodist church where my neighbor (not the one that molested me) taught Sunday School. Sachi, I hope I spelled that right, was a very kind and loving Japanese woman in my neighborhood. My questions sometimes made her uncomfortable, but luckily it was usually just her and I in the Sunday School room when I made her answer questions like, “Doesn’t 'thou shalt have no other Gods before me' suggest the existence of other Gods?” I couldn’t have been older than 5, and I was already asking uncomfortable questions of the adults around me. It was in Sachi’s classroom that I was introduced to the Golden Rule. Now, I don’t know if it’s the CPTSD or if maybe I am autistic or what, but I took that to mean that we should be good to one another. It was unfortunate and uncomfortable when I realized that most Christians failed to even live out the most basic of Jesus’s teachings.
Sure, I have found that Christians tend to be good at performing love with acts like: picking you up for church, praying for your situation, laying hands on you in prayer, and supporting you but only if you are heading in the “right” direction. In my experience all of that looks like: Chaotic Sunday mornings filled with verbal and emotional abuse (again, not my home, but people close to me), gossiping about your neighbor disguised as prayer requests, general “pick-me” behavior that deserves its own post, silencing abuses of any kind, and of course, no Sunday service would be complete without judging and condemning the folks you are supposed to love like Christ loved you. Folks that literally showed up “as they are”; in jeans and tee shirts, too much or not enough makeup, over or underdressed, not being repentant in the correct ways, and even “wrong” color choices for hair, clothes, and makeup. I observed a disconnect in the way Christians are called to behave and the way they actually choose to behave. As I grew older and started digging into the Bible for myself, I discovered that when an elder puts you through an edification process, you are to obey, but if you try to edify another member on how their behavior is not Christ-like, their cognitive dissonance will engage and cause them to act even more unChrist-like.
It was this cognitive dissonance that sparked my curiosity as to WHY they were behaving that way. You see, anytime someone told me I was acting poorly, I believed them and adjusted my behavior. These were my “elders” after all, and I do appreciate edification. Edification is used over and over in the Bible, yet so few Christians seem to appreciate it the way I do. Even now, 15 years post-Christianity, I see value in learning how to interact with everyone - by practicing love. To me, practicing love is the essence of the Golden Rule. Practicing love can look like: sitting with the newcomer dressed “poorly” and hearing their story without judgment and showing them the available resources that the church or community has to help, inviting the divorcee over for Sunday dinner and asking them, with true intention, how you can best support them. It’s respecting people's identity and lived experience, including pronouns - even if you don’t “get it”. (Do you really think Jesus cares about what’s in someone’s pants?) It is offering kindness, support, and encouragement - even when their path is different from yours. In my 18 years of searching for truth in the Christian sphere, I found that Christians are very good at performing love but are lacking the ability to practice it.
Eventually, I started to think about why the Golden Rule is so hard for so many folks. Was it a lack of understanding? A lack of empathy? A lack of reading comprehension? Maybe. However, in observing my own family and those closest to me, I realized that so many people are not raised on love but survival. Many of the families I got to observe used fear, guilt, shame, abandonment, and other forms of abuse to raise their children to be “god-fearing”. I was taught fear of hell and the Old Testament god. I observed others being taught to fear people that were “othered”; gay, queer, black and brown, homeless, sex workers, poor or rich, etc. I was taught shame around my body, my personality, my curiosity, and my observational prowess. Others were taught shame for having basic human needs like love, food, safety, and health. I was taught guilt for treating others the way I wanted to be treated - regardless of hierarchy. Others were taught guilt surrounding their very being. I was taught I was unworthy of love in spaces that are supposed to be dedicated to loving. The adults I grew up around internalized the same things they were teaching me and their children. It is hard to truly practice love when you are not taught you are worth loving. How can we love someone else the way we want to be loved when we don’t even know what healthy love looks like? How can I love you when you are going through active addiction when I was taught that makes you a bad person? How can you love someone going through an abusive situation when it looks normal? How can you call out unloving behavior when you treat yourself with judgment and succumb to shame?
The good news is we can learn to practice love within ourselves, and eventually, that will help us truly practice love with others. It is a long road and hard, but one worth taking.
With love and compassion,
Mia Marie
