Opinion: Finding Common Ground: Reflecting on Christianity, Critique, and Compassion
Anyone who has met me in the last decade has most certainly discovered that I am vehemently anti-religion. I was once rabid about this, though now I strive to be less militant and more compassionate about it. I still have some heavy criticisms for Christians in particular (because I have the most first-hand experience with it) but I feel most if not all religions, either by design or by corruption, lean heavily on aspects of control by utilizing fear, shame, guilt and coercion. There are already tons of creators out there discussing the same criticisms I have, so for today I would like to focus on sharing some aspects of Christianity I like. I find common ground to be the most effective way to bridge any divide and this country is already divided on so many lines and I don’t think spirituality should be one of them.
During my 17 years as a more-than-casual Christian, I picked up some key ideas that I keep with me now, more than a decade later. First and foremost, I like Jesus. I think he was a rebel with a great cause. He flipped the money changers tables in the temples, he performed miracles on the Sabbath, kept company with sinners, lepers, and women. From reading the bible and later the historical context I came to understand that he is really for the people. I think Jesus was truly revolutionary. My favorite passage, the one that I think succinctly sums up what Jesus wanted us to learn was the Sermon on the Mount. (Matthew 5-7 for those following along at home.)
The sermon on the mount starts off strong by talking about what is now known as “the Beatitudes”. Here Jesus talks about the qualities that will be rewarded in heaven. I don’t personally believe in heaven and hell anymore but I believe that these attributes will help us live a life that lessens suffering and serve to clear past negative karma and set us up for success in the next life by building positive karma. (Side note, a lot of my ideals and beliefs are rooted in Buddhism, which of course is rooted in Hinduism. I came to many of these beliefs on my own through observation. I later discovered they line up pretty well with Buddhism and of course Buddah teaches us that observation is a powerful tool.) Here on the Mount Jesus tells his followers that the following attributes are blessed: the poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek, those who seek righteousness, the merciful, the pure of heart, the peacemakers, and the persecuted.
Jesus goes on to ask his followers to ask, seek and find, to share their light. He affirms that he is fulfilling the law (Moses’) and the prophecy. He speaks out against murder, adultery (I particularly like that he asks men to pluck out their eye if it causes them to sin), divorce (excepting in cases of adultery, though I think Jesus would agree that you should leave your abusive spouse today), and making oaths. He goes on to ask us to give to those who hurt us, love our enemies, give to the poor (without making it a show), pray, fast (without making it into a spectacle), he reminds us that our possessions are not coming with us into the afterlife, and reminds his followers that they will be provided for. He tells us not to pass judgment on others and speaks about the golden rule. He warns against false prophets and disciples.
I invite you to look up how a pastor of a mega church acted towards folks displaced during hurricane Harvey in Texas back in 2017 and reflect on if this is the kind of attitude you would expect from a disciple or prophet of Jesus. I invite you to look into the pastor that just a few months ago gave a whole sermon from the pulpit before sharing that his wife had killed herself and reflect on if that is what you would expect from a leader in the Christian faith. I invite you to look into how your local leadership speaks about politics and reflect on two things: Should they be speaking about politics from the pulpit? (By law and would Jesus approve?) If they kept with Jesus’ teachings - do you think that what they are saying about different populations are loving, compassionate and just?
I imagine that if we are objective, we might find that the most “Christ-Like” among us are not in the church leadership, and in my experience, are not often found in the church at all. I understand that we are not perfect - I do, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t all strive to live the truths that Jesus taught.
With Love and Compassion,
Mia Marie
Opinion: Golden Rule
Everyone has heard of the Golden Rule: "Love one another as yourself," "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." There are many ways to express it because it is almost ubiquitous. It is found in almost every religion and culture all over the world. This is one of the many truths I have adopted over the years due to its almost omnipresent nature. Of course, I didn’t start out knowing how widespread this notion is; I learned it in a very Christian context. I have spent over half my life in some form of Christianity: a half a dozen denominations and over a dozen churches, and I’d like to share some things I’ve found to be true as it relates to Christians and the Golden Rule.
My mother didn’t take me to church, but she did read me bedtime stories from the book of Revelations. I had to seek out God’s people and his teachings on my own. The first church I went to was a Methodist church where my neighbor (not the one that molested me) taught Sunday School. Sachi, I hope I spelled that right, was a very kind and loving Japanese woman in my neighborhood. My questions sometimes made her uncomfortable, but luckily it was usually just her and I in the Sunday School room when I made her answer questions like, “Doesn’t 'thou shalt have no other Gods before me' suggest the existence of other Gods?” I couldn’t have been older than 5, and I was already asking uncomfortable questions of the adults around me. It was in Sachi’s classroom that I was introduced to the Golden Rule. Now, I don’t know if it’s the CPTSD or if maybe I am autistic or what, but I took that to mean that we should be good to one another. It was unfortunate and uncomfortable when I realized that most Christians failed to even live out the most basic of Jesus’s teachings.
Sure, I have found that Christians tend to be good at performing love with acts like: picking you up for church, praying for your situation, laying hands on you in prayer, and supporting you but only if you are heading in the “right” direction. In my experience all of that looks like: Chaotic Sunday mornings filled with verbal and emotional abuse (again, not my home, but people close to me), gossiping about your neighbor disguised as prayer requests, general “pick-me” behavior that deserves its own post, silencing abuses of any kind, and of course, no Sunday service would be complete without judging and condemning the folks you are supposed to love like Christ loved you. Folks that literally showed up “as they are”; in jeans and tee shirts, too much or not enough makeup, over or underdressed, not being repentant in the correct ways, and even “wrong” color choices for hair, clothes, and makeup. I observed a disconnect in the way Christians are called to behave and the way they actually choose to behave. As I grew older and started digging into the Bible for myself, I discovered that when an elder puts you through an edification process, you are to obey, but if you try to edify another member on how their behavior is not Christ-like, their cognitive dissonance will engage and cause them to act even more unChrist-like.
It was this cognitive dissonance that sparked my curiosity as to WHY they were behaving that way. You see, anytime someone told me I was acting poorly, I believed them and adjusted my behavior. These were my “elders” after all, and I do appreciate edification. Edification is used over and over in the Bible, yet so few Christians seem to appreciate it the way I do. Even now, 15 years post-Christianity, I see value in learning how to interact with everyone - by practicing love. To me, practicing love is the essence of the Golden Rule. Practicing love can look like: sitting with the newcomer dressed “poorly” and hearing their story without judgment and showing them the available resources that the church or community has to help, inviting the divorcee over for Sunday dinner and asking them, with true intention, how you can best support them. It’s respecting people's identity and lived experience, including pronouns - even if you don’t “get it”. (Do you really think Jesus cares about what’s in someone’s pants?) It is offering kindness, support, and encouragement - even when their path is different from yours. In my 18 years of searching for truth in the Christian sphere, I found that Christians are very good at performing love but are lacking the ability to practice it.
Eventually, I started to think about why the Golden Rule is so hard for so many folks. Was it a lack of understanding? A lack of empathy? A lack of reading comprehension? Maybe. However, in observing my own family and those closest to me, I realized that so many people are not raised on love but survival. Many of the families I got to observe used fear, guilt, shame, abandonment, and other forms of abuse to raise their children to be “god-fearing”. I was taught fear of hell and the Old Testament god. I observed others being taught to fear people that were “othered”; gay, queer, black and brown, homeless, sex workers, poor or rich, etc. I was taught shame around my body, my personality, my curiosity, and my observational prowess. Others were taught shame for having basic human needs like love, food, safety, and health. I was taught guilt for treating others the way I wanted to be treated - regardless of hierarchy. Others were taught guilt surrounding their very being. I was taught I was unworthy of love in spaces that are supposed to be dedicated to loving. The adults I grew up around internalized the same things they were teaching me and their children. It is hard to truly practice love when you are not taught you are worth loving. How can we love someone else the way we want to be loved when we don’t even know what healthy love looks like? How can I love you when you are going through active addiction when I was taught that makes you a bad person? How can you love someone going through an abusive situation when it looks normal? How can you call out unloving behavior when you treat yourself with judgment and succumb to shame?
The good news is we can learn to practice love within ourselves, and eventually, that will help us truly practice love with others. It is a long road and hard, but one worth taking.
With love and compassion,
Mia Marie
